


Dark State of Mind

by Agib



Series: Febuwhump 2020 [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Out of Character, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, References to Depression, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Worried Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22613077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agib/pseuds/Agib
Summary: Peter's down. He just finds it inexplicably difficult to explainwhy.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619311
Comments: 7
Kudos: 113





	Dark State of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning:
> 
> References and descriptions of depression. Nothing alluding to suicidal thoughts though.
> 
> \----
> 
> Sorry it's shoooooorrrrrrrrrt. Sorry. I'm sorry don't yell at me.

It had been two weeks since the kid’s last afterschool lab session. Usually it was only supposed to be one, but Peter had been smart enough to actually tell Tony he was sick last week, which was nice of him considering he wasn’t the type to give himself a break.

The number of times in the past three years Tony had taken one look at the kid and told him to take a rest day was growing. Whether it be overworking himself with school and patrols, the blatant disregard of hibernation period in winter (yeah, he’s a spider that doesn’t deal well with the cold), or the rare bug that bypassed his healing and had him bedridden for a couple sniffly days, the kid didn’t like rest to say the least.

But thankfully, for once in his life, Peter had called him and admitted he felt like death warmed up.

Of all the things in the world Tony was grateful for, it meant something that Peter was taking it easy on himself.

\----

Peter looked normal next time he came in for a session, minus perhaps the bedhead and a slightly sullen expression on his face. But that was typical after a day at school.

“Hey kid,” Tony greeted with a smile. Peter gave his own, small wave. “How’re you feeling?”

A shrug was the response he got, and for a moment Tony thought that would be it.

“Kinda tired, I guess,” Peter admitted.

Most of the time they would talk and work, and on the odd occasion they would just mess around with meaningless projects that were bound to go nowhere in the end. But, on days like this when the mood way lower than normal, Tony often tinkered with the kid for company, soft music lulling in the background.

“Tinkering then today? Easy stuff,” Tony suggested, grateful for the nod Peter gave him.

And so that was what they did. Peter perched himself on the edge of the desk, a set of screwdrivers neatly laid out before him. Tony sat cross-legged in his office chair, scooting along three different sets of benchtops and flittering between three different projects when he grew bored.

The special thing about Peter was the fact that he could work in quiet for hours at a time with Tony, which almost nobody else could do in the lab without pestering him. On the flipside, the kid could also keep up a line of chatter and flick between topics for hours on end. He was the perfect mix of genius that could keep up, and pleasantly sedated teenager who didn’t feel the need to fill every silence.

“I might pack up now,” Peter said softly. Tony looked up, wiping his hands on a greasy rag and nudging his safety glasses up onto his forehead.

“Okay, let me know when you get home, kid. Say hi to May for me.” Peter nodded, thanking Tony and scuffling out into the elevator.

Tony turned back to his work, trying to do a brief evaluation of the silence Peter had maintained the entire session. He hadn’t looked ready to collapse, didn’t seem stressed or overworked. Normally the mood was indicative of the kid needing time off, but he seemed physically healthy, maybe a bit exhausted mentally but that was typical for teenagers.

\----

May quietly observed Peter that night, watching him eat, stare at the T.V. without expressing much amusements during the comedic moments. She frowned to herself, giving his hair an extra ruffle as he went to bed in the evening, pointing out she was always there to talk as she did so.

\----

When everything around you is fine, routines unaltered, yet you drop into a period where nothing seems as fun, as bright, as interesting, that’s when you feel the exhaustion creeping into the very core of your being.

Limbs are heavier, noises are louder, jostles in the hallway at school are more jarring.

Sleep is harder to come by, or occasionally it comes too easy and you find yourself unenthusiastic about how unfulfilling a twelve-hour nap could make you feel.

Sometimes there is no trigger, nothing obvious that sets you into a downward spiral, you just begin to fall.

You have friends and family who know you too well, asking and checking in, but you can’t explain what’s wrong because there _isn’t_ anything wrong. Nothing at all. 

Everything is just less, somehow.

And Peter’s biggest fear is that one day, he’ll begin to feel like this, and it won’t ever go away again.

\----

“So, kid.” Tony folded one knee beneath himself and crossed his fingers together. “Let’s talk.”

And Peter already knew what was coming.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired. It’ll go away, I promise.”

But how could he promise if he didn’t understand it, and he had no proof that it would just go away like normal?

“What do you mean ‘ _it’ll_ go away’? What is _it?_ ” Tony was pressing more than he normally did, but this was the second week in a row the kid had been too quiet – a different kind of quiet. Not content, not relaxed, just… silent, in his own head.

“I – I don’t… it just will, okay?” Peter frowned, looking at the tile beneath his scuffed shoes and biting his lip apprehensively. Tony softened slightly, hoping the kid would notice he wasn’t upset, just concerned.

“I’m not here to dig stuff out of you, I have no right to do that –” Tony began.

_I’m not your father. I shouldn’t have the right to act like one._

“But I do worry about you,” he finished, finally. “But if you just want to be here – and not talk – just hang out… then I get that too. That’s okay, we can do that.”

“I’d like that, please.” Peter spoke with a small voice, and the tiredness did seep through into his words. Tony understood.

And so, they worked in quiet.

\----

“Sometimes, I just like…” Peter paused, moving the words around inside his head. “Get down.”

Tony nodded, swivelling in his chair to show the kid he had his attention, but not pressing just yet.

Peter wasn’t really giving him eye contact, but he wasn’t blatantly avoiding it either. “I don’t know why, or – or what causes it, but it happens sometimes.” He sighs, his shoulders sagging slightly. “And then it just goes away again, and I’m fine.”

Tony presses his lips together. He doesn’t understand, but he does know what this sounds like.

“And there’s no pattern?” He asks, not accusingly, just curiously.

“No, just random, I guess. It happens whenever, for like a week or two normally. Sometimes less, sometimes more.” Tony kicks his ankle against the leg of his desk, rolling the chair across the lab and bringing it to a stop beside Peter.

“Okay,” Tony says slowly. “Can I trust you to tell me how and if I can help?” Peter ponders the question for a moment before answering.

“Yeah,” he croaks. His voice is steady, but almost silent. “Yeah, I just – sometimes I want company, and sometimes I need to just be by myself.”

“I understand that,” _I’m so glad you talked to me, kid_. “Just let me know what you need, I’ll be here.” He gently rolls back, giving Peter room to stand and swing his bag over one shoulder as he heads for the door.

“Mr. Stark?” He says, suddenly, stopping at the door frame. Tony lifts his chin in response. “Thank you,” Peter says profoundly.

**Author's Note:**

> Give @spidersonangst @febufluff-whump (on Tumblr) all the credit, the only reason this is happening this month is because of them!


End file.
